Anyone have any good jokes?

So I have some time between meetings, and in the last one had a guy start it by saying a really lame joke. So that got me thinkin - anyone have some good ones?

The only one I really know is this...

A man goes into the same bar every night and orders three whiskeys, drinks them, then leaves.

After a couple of weeks of this, the bartender takes notice and decides to ask him about it. The man tells him, "One is for my father back in Ireland, one is for my brother in Boston, and one is for me." The bartender says "Oh, that's cool. Kind of like a family tradition or something?" And the guy replies, "Yeah, something like that."

Fast forward a couple of weeks later, and the bartender notices that the same guy is only ordering two whiskeys each night. Curious, he asks the man, "I noticed that lately you've only been ordering two whiskeys. Is everything okay? Was there a death in the family?" The guy replies, "Oh, no... nothing like that at all. I quit drinking."

lol nice.

Hmm I only know lame jokes

Two guys are drinking in a bar. The first guy sasy to the second guy "I bet you $1,000.00 I can jump off this roof and survive."

The second guy noticing the large amount of money in the hand of the first ultimately agrees as he knows the bar is on the ground floor for a twenty story building. The first guy gives the second guy the money to hold and then jumps off the roof landing without even so much as a scratch. Upon returning to the roof the second guy says "Wow that was amazing! I didn't know it could be done! Tell you what I'll let you hold my credit card and double or nothing that I can do the jump too!"

The first man looks over the edge and accepts the bet. The second guy jumps to his death and splats on the ground.

The first guy goes back to the bar with the credit card and says "I have a $2,000.00 limit on this keep em coming"

The bartender grimaces and says "You know super man you can be a real asshole when your drunk"

The Aristocrats

Three men are standing on top of a bridge, a Russian, a Mexican, and a American. Suddenly, the Russian takes out a bottle of vodka, takes a sip and then throws it over the bridge. The Mexican and the American then say "What the hell man?! That was a perfectly good bottle of vodka!" The Russian replies, "It is no problem, we got plenty of that where I come from." Not wanting to be out done, the Mexican then takes out a joint, lights it up, takes a puff, then tosses it over the bridge. "What the hell man!?" shouts the American, "That was a perfectly good joint!" The Mexican replies, "It is no problem, we got plenty of that where i come from." The American then starts searching his pockets. Not being able to find anything of value, the American grabs the Mexican and throws him off the bridge. "What the hell man?!" shouts the Russian. The American replies, "Don't worry, we got plenty of that where i come from."

Not a joke, but I laugh every time I see it.

Oh that show. Always got its moments.

Seriously now

Not a bad shoop at all!

DO NOT WATCH AT WORK! NSFW!

Welcome to: Bob Saget's telling of the Aristocrats (from the DVD, I recommend it!)

Priceless

Yahoo Answers: Home of the trolls.

Yeah I know yahoo is mostly trolls, but some of them are really funny. And I just pretend they're not trollin ^ ^

I try, sometimes. But obvious trolls are obvious. Although I am sure there's a small % that are genuinely that stupid.

I'm now trying to find a site that has like the best of yahoo answers.

http://www.thefastertimes.com/bestofyahooanswers/ might be one?

Saw that one.

Trolling the depths of reddit?

Yeah I'm pretty much just lurking reddit for the rest of the day.

Apparently.

You weren't around to link stuff so I took over that role.

I still could.